I want to apologize for not posting lately. I've had some things going on in my life that I need to know more about before I go publishing anything about them. They've taken time and effort to work on, so . . .
In the meantime, here's an assignment for all five of my readers (LOL!): What does it mean to you to be listened to? What does that look like, "walking around"? Does it make a difference if the person you're addressing is someone you have authority over? Or who has authority over you? What about between equals?
I'd be interested to hear!
A Few Advent Thoughts, Then, Who Has Really Changed?
12 hours ago
6 comments:
It is not so much to be listened to. Anyone can do that. What we need desperately is to be heard. Not the same, of course, as being agreed with.
P.S. -- rank has no privilege in this category.
I think authority is less important than respect. The (lone) child I come into regular contact with does not have authority over me. And as I am only an honorary Aunt, I don't have it over him. However, I treat him with respect, and as soon as he is old enough to understand the concept, I expect to be treated that way in return.
The same with my parents, who only now have a nominal authority over me, because of my respect for them. They treat me like an adult and respect me as I do them, because we've all earned it by behaving with integrity.
If you are respected by someone, then they will listen and take what you say into consideration. They may not always do what you want, they may not always agree with you, but you will know that they did not lightly disregard what you had to say.
People who do not give you the chance to have their respect, in my opinion, have no integrity.
{{{{{hugs}}}}} on trying to work through whatever is going on, and know that whenever you want to speak, I am here listening.
Whiskers
I think anyone can hear you, it's important that the person(s) that hears you really LISTENS to what you have to say. Listening is paying attention. Which leads to respecting you enough to listen. It is very important for me to be listened to. I really don't like it when people (either an equal or someone - like my boss) pick out the parts they want to HEAR and ignore the rest.
I am praying the things you are working on will work out for your best interest.
Most people are poor listeners. We too often have our own inner dialogs going on, with the filters of our own self-perceptions, to really be good listeners.
The few people that I have in my life who ARE good at listening (and hearing, of course) are my treasures. I keep them close at all times.
As to listening and advice, Tolkien's two wise characters of Gandalf and Lady Galadriel both have some excellent passages on counsel-the giving and receiving of it.
I commend Tolkien to you. It has helped me immensely.
Rev. Mike, if I'm hearing :-) you right, "to be listened to" might just mean I can accurately repeat what you say. While to hear you is to catch your meaning and the significance of it. I'm not so sure that rank has no privileges, though. My question stems from certain people of rank and authority believing that to hear or listen to them is to agree with them. And do what they say. Yesterday. Or else.
Whiskers, I think your statement about respect follows well on what Mike said about being heard. Respect, I think, includes reaching towards the speaker's meaning, even if he should trip over his mouth or accidently use the wrong word. It's been done to me, and, I confess with shame, I've done it to others-- whom I did not respect.
Sandy, you're right-- it's certainly frustrating when "a man hears what he wants to hear/And disregards the rest". But we all do it all the time. We can hardly help it. How much responsibility do we have, I wonder, to take that into consideration and be very, very, clear about the parts the other person may not quite register? Say I've got a secretary, and one morning I assign her three tasks she really likes to do, and then I say, "Oh, by the way, the janitor is out sick. It'd be nice if you'd clean out the toilets for us." If the toilets don't get cleaned, am I not partly to blame for being so indirect with my order?
Toby! You mean I shouldn't just think of the Lady Galadriel as the one I named my first car after, my gold 1950 Chevy Deluxe? LOL!
Thanks, all of you. I'll keep what you say in mind and try to both hear and listen-- with respect-- Monday night.
Post a Comment